I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
