Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I need to sanitize my soul.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
