i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
