They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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