I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
