after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
