I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
