what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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