Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't deserve a penis
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
