I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
