come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Shame - the story of my life.
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