I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
