are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize