I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it's like iHOP with fire
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
