bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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