david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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