It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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