You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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