No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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