I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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