So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
