If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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