And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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