if i can run in heels then i can drive
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
