I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
