hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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