Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
