remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
