a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize