okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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