1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
