Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
ok first of all what the fuck
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