she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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