I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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