I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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