What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
this will be a night to untag.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
