So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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