I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
