I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Boobs speak an international language.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
