i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
