if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i wish my penis had a tongue
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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