The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
