You can't motorboat a personality
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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