It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
