I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
