lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
