AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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