she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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