remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
this hospital has no fireball
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
