awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
