Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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