That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
