I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
