Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
