you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
