i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
