dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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