I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
