You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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