he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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