my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
