We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
