What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
