break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
