super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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