I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
