I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
