i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
