OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize