I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
