apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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