i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
